Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Minus Four and Winning the Insomnia Battle...

Hooray, four pounds lost in two weeks. I know it isn't that much but I'm thrilled regardless...and losing between 1/2-2lbs a week is considered healthy and you stand a better chance at long term weight loss.

Even more importantly than shedding fat over the past couple weeks has been my sleep. I've battled severe insomnia for just over eight years. It started off as slight insomnia but gradually grew worse. I was waking at 2-3 a.m. every morning, one o'clock every now and then, and staying awake.  About mid-day I was extremely tired but couldn't nap so I usually went to bed between 7-8 p.m.

Over the past year, when my insomnia was at it's worst, I became addicted to an online mmorpg game. Although I quit playing when the kids woke up to spend time with them, and my hubby when he's home, I would play between 6-8 hours every morning. Nothing much to do during vampire hours so I took comfort in logging in to the game and skyping with a group of other adults who played. I looked forward to visiting them each and every day. It was a tough decision for me to work on a healthier sleep pattern over playing anymore; the game I've found easy to be away from, it's my gal pals I miss--one an English woman in Holland and the other lives in Australia. Both of them weren't just fun to goof around in game with, we had fun lady talks that had nothing to do with the game. And of course, stories of motherhood entered the equation as well. Once in a while I do manage to get on Skype for girl time with them and we stay in contact via FaceBook as well.

Now for the good news...I actually woke with the sun the other day! I've been sleeping 7 1/2-8 hours a night and go to bed between 9:30-10:00 p.m. I feel normal for the first time in over eight years. As long as I remember to take magnesium for "crazy legs", I'm good to go.  See, at first my insomnia was trying to get to sleep (I have gone to sleep fine for a long time now), then it became not being able to sleep after waking up to pee. I've worked on just going back to bed and if I lie awake for more than 15 minutes I'll get up and read from a book or online.

I think something else that has helped is that I do not have depression caused by stress anymore. The wee morning hour insomnia started a few years ago. Not only were we having marital problems but our now 17yo son was driving me insane with his shit. Everyday it was something with him. I loved him but his behaviors were stressing me out. I would wake at 2 a.m. and be worried sick or wonder what he was going to do today to break my heart. Such early rising eventually became a time of solitude for me, it was my time, it was the time I could have a few hours of peace. An aside, I'd say it was about 6 months in to early morning insomnia that I started playing the online game at such crazy hours.

I'm excited to see where having a normal sleep schedule will take me. I already have more energy during the day, and of course to workout! :-)


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Take Your Diet Program and Stuff It: MasterChef Julie Goodwin Turns Down Jenny Craig

Look at July Goodwin's sweet and confident smile. This is a woman who is truly comfortable in her own skin, so comfortable she turned down $250k from diet company giant Jenny Craig. I really admire women like her and do have an example in my own life--my mother. 

I really don't blame Goodwin, can you imagine going from your own, home cooked gourmet foods to boxed dinners? Yuck, I won't even go there--although for $250k I probably would, lol (just being honest). She's perfectly happy being the way she is and hasn't an inkling of desire to change. She's very bold about it too...

"I don't want to be thin. I don't want to be anything different to who I am," the 41-year-old said.
"I think people have been really willing to embrace me for who I am."

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/celebrity-masterchef-julie-goodwin-turns-down-lucrative-jenny-craig-deal/story-e6frfmqi-1226114493764#ixzz1Uzw014Cg

My mother flat out says, "I love to eat", when it comes to dieting. My mother would rather enjoy full flavor than skimp any day. She also jokes about having "fat cramps" in front of people; my mom is such a character! I also have friend in Holland who is no holds barred when it comes to not wanting to lose weight. One time she was telling me about an awesome orange cheesecake she made and I was drooling--I swear I gained pounds while listening--on this side of the ocean. I jokingly said, "It's the fat free, no calorie, no fat kind? Right? So I can eat all I want." She replied, "No, it's full of fat and sugar and calories and I won't pretend they're not in there." I don't know what my friend in Holland looks like but it doesn't matter, she captured my friend strings long ago so what difference does it make? She's beautiful to me already, and I feel the same about others--thin, fat, and everything in between.

Enjoy the Day and Hugs~Sandy

Friday, August 5, 2011

Oldie But Goody: 7 Ways to Enjoy Sex While on Your Way from Fat to Fit!

I wrote the following for both my old blog and Yahoo! Shine. My friend, LaVender, kept the link on her blog but it went away when I removed my site. So, here it is, an oldie but goody blog from the past....

Many overweight women (heck, some women in great shape too) are so concerned about their bodies that they'll refuse to make love or fret the entire time they're doing it...even though they've decided to take steps to eat right and exercise, and even if their partner still finds them desirable.

I'm not a "sexpert", but I once fit the latter description. My hubby would want to ravish me and all I could think about was how my hippo-like butt looked from behind, how I would position myself so my boobs and belly flab wouldn't flap away like a pelican taking off from the water (you know the sound), and how I could avoid movements that would make my back fat ripple like Jello. Not anymore.

If you find yourself fretting about those same things, these tips for enjoying sex while on your way from fat to fit may be of interest to you...

1) Don't worry about what your lover "might" think...that's selfish.

If your partner wants you, don't concern yourself with bodily flaws. Making love isn't all about you and your feelings, it's about theirs too. I was shocked to learn that my husband actually felt that I was not attracted to him and, consequently, he felt rejected. Whoa, what an eye-opening piece of knowledge that was for me! There I was, so concerned about me that I thought nothing of how my actions affected him.

Stop worrying. He doesn't care, so why should you? It's okay to be selfish though when it comes to wanting your sexual experience to feel good; in fact, the more you get off the more he will too.

2) Don't cover-up...let it all hang out.

*Gulp*...yet another problem area that my husband spoke with me about. It drove him insane that while in the heat of passion I would grab at my shirt to pull it down in an effort to hide my fat. Do you know why? Because, to him, I wasn't truly enjoying our time together, my mind was focused on my appearance rather than allowing myself to be pleasured and give pleasure...I didn't just ruin it for me, I ruined it for him.

Quit covering and be uninhibited! Start retraining your mind to focus on how good the sex feels rather than hiding your bod. Once you're comfortable letting it all hang out, you'll be singing, "Feels like the first time, feels like the very first time." Really, it is that freeing!

3) Go with the flow flap...there are other noises after all.
Forget about the sound of your fat flapping, it really isn't that big of a deal. Just "Ohhhh", "Ahhhh", "Oh, God", "Mmmm, baby", "Yes, yes", "More, more", and "Oh, right there" your way through it all. Concentrate on his sounds also so you can zero in on what he's enjoying the most during your sexual encounter!
4) Envision a new you and be the aggressor...rock your lover's world.

Fantasizing can open a whole new world of ecstasy with your significant other. I can work myself up in no time just thinking about what my hubby could do with a lighter me. Foregoing the down 'n' dirty details, let's just say I have quite an imagination! Once I get the vision in my head, I seek out my husband and start ripping his clothes off; and I keep the fantasy going while having sex...it doesn't matter that I don't have my perfect physique yet, my husband enjoys being the prey for a change.

5) After strength training workout sex...it does the libido good.

When you feel like a million dollars the last thing you'll think about is fat, so after workout sex is the perfect time for love making. You may be pouring sweat like rain during a Spring storm but that's okay because you're muscles will feel tighter which makes you feel sexier and more energetic. Take a quick shower if you must and then grab your lover and head to your Love Palace for a calorie burning "sexardio" session.

If you're lucky enough to workout with your hubby, make sure you spend some time grabbing his chest and biceps to spice things up a bit.

6) Eat light...for sexual delight.
"Hey, baby, wanna go smack bellies?", my husband asks in jest knowing full well that having sex after a meal that's high in fat and calories is the last thing either of us want to do. If just one heavy meal turns off ones sex drive, imagine how eating like that all day affects you. Eating more nutrient rich foods throughout the day tends to increase your sex drive and makes you feel lighter--you know--so you can play Cowgirl without worrying about squishing your significant other.
7) Axe the Waterworks...Constant self-pity is unattractive.

It's one thing to confide in your lover about how sad you are about your weight issues, but constant whining and not doing anything to change it is another story. My husband, though he wishes I hadn't gained so much weight, was still attracted to me--until he reached a point where my daily moping made me completely unattractive to him. Don't let the same happen to you because it will make for one ho-um sex life. After all, it's no fun making love to a Mopey Murtle; you and he will simply go through the motions and not truly enjoy one another.

Don't wait until you reach a healthier new you before enjoying intimate moments with someone you love. Always remember that sometimes the best part to the end of any journey are the great times you had along the way!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Weigh In, My Goal and What I've Been Doing

How could I have started this blog without remembering to post Monday's weigh-in? I've always had a bad memory, but it really took an even bigger dive once I hit forty. First things first...

Goal Weight:       150 pounds (I look awesome and curvaliscious at this weight!)
Current Weight:   222 lbs
Pounds left to go:  72 lbs

Workout: Jari Love's Slim & Lean workout dvd for strength training.

Nutrition: It's been extremely hot and humid here which affects my appetite; I eat less when it's uncomfortably hot. I've decided not to go extreme with eating because it seems to be my biggest downfall. I'm eating what I normally eat but less of it and less snacking too. This week I've been drinking nice cool fruit smoothies with soy milk or a chocolate protein shake. I had spicy tuna sandwiches for lunch on Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday I pigged out on an Arby's Chipotle Chicken Sandwich combo--I may set aside Wednesdays as a free day. Monday's dinner was roast beef, mashed potatoes w/gravy and sweet corn. Tuesday I made hoagies with a bit of mayo, onions, green peppers and Steak Umm's. Last night I wasn't too hungry--thanks to my Arby's lunch--so a peanut butter and jelly sandwich hit the spot.

I find that when I go whole hog and work out everyday that I burnout quickly. The same goes for eating, which leads to yo-yo dieting. It works better for me to ease in to a healthy lifestyle and gradually build. I'm sure many of you can relate. :-)

Have a Happy and Healthy Day~Sandy

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Plus Size Models with Flat Tummies: Where Are the Rolls?

Every month when I get my Lane Bryant catalog in the mail I skim through it trying to find a woman who has a few rolls; instead, all I see are gorgeous curvy women--I'd love to be any of their sizes! Where are the fat rolls? Where are the bulging bellies that fall over the panty line? Where are the size 28s? Hell, I'd happy to see a size 18-20 because that's about my size. 

Although I appreciate Lane Bryant serving the clothing needs of bigger women and the industry in general using more models in sizes 8-14, it seems the truly overweight and obese women are receiving the short end of the stick. Perhaps this is an area of modeling where height shouldn't be such an issue. After all, 220 lbs. on a woman 5'7" and below looks a lot different than a woman of the same weight who is 5'10" and over--her fat obviously has more distribution available.

I'm not a fashionable woman because I have a hard time finding clothes to fit right. I don't want something too big because it instantly makes me look bigger, yet I don't want clothes that fit too tight or I end up looking like an amusement park ride meant for fairies and imps. Are there any magazines or websites out there to teach women like myself how to look the best they can--not expecting a miracle here--in what's available? I've searched, but most sites I come across claiming to be for plus-sized women are no better for me than Lane Bryant.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Got Mom? What's Missing From Your Photo Albums?

Look through your albums online and off. Do you have more pictures of your children, significant other, random photos, etc., than you do of yourself? Is it because you're the only one who takes pictures, or you aren't comfortable having your photos online (even if the album is private), or is it because you're ashamed of your appearance? I'll be honest...I'm ashamed of my appearance and because of this unhealthy attitude, my children will one day go through our albums and rarely see me. Quite sad, isn't it?

I get half-pissed off when my husband or children try to photograph me. I typically glare, put my hands in front of my face and give a very stern, "No, don't take my picture." My daughter, a budding photographer, looks so sad when I turn down her taking my snapshot. What kind of mother am I to ignore the sadness of my daughter in favor of ensuring no one sees my picture? So concerned over my looks that I don't want my photo even in a personal family album?

Despite my husband, children and friends telling me how beautiful I am, I look in the mirror and see a fat slob. I overcame that attitude a couple of years ago until the marital problems brought me right back to square one. Somehow, someway, I need to reach down deep inside and find that confident woman. She didn't exist for most of my life so she may take a while to come back.

My temporary high self-esteem wasn't due to weight loss, I started feeling better about myself because I was eating right and exercising. I posted photos, videos of myself working out, etc. on my past blog, regardless of still being in the 220 pound area. So, again, I need to find "her". I need to overcome the low-self esteem I suffered from the result of being emotionally abused by my step-father for 13 years as a child. I wasn't a "lard ass", or "lazy ass" or "fat ass" as a child, but I was too young and had no one on my side to make me believe otherwise. Therefore, self-confidence was something that eluded me until I was 39-years old.

I'm not ready to start posting photos at this time, give me a few weeks though, and I'm sure I will be. However, I'm not going to freak when my family and friends want pictures anymore. What about you? Are you ready to reach down inside and find your healthy self-esteem? Don't allow yourself to punish your loved ones more day by not allowing pictures--they truly do love you just the way you are.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Looking Backward to Move Forward

"If you don't know your history, you're bound to repeat the same mistakes." While that certainly holds true for me when it comes to living a healthier lifestyle, I'd like to add a positive spin--you can also go back and look at the right choices you made.

Before I copy and paste my old posts, I'd like to share with you a bit about what happened. I'll spare you the excruciating details because all that really needs to be said is my marriage was going downhill and fast due to infidelity. When you go through my 2009 posts, you'll see I apologized for not blogging as much in April and then again around the summer months and September--I was an emotional wreck and things kept getting worse.

I tried so hard to keep on track with my blog and my weight loss efforts, but depression kicked my ass. I found myself hating everything about that year and wanted to rid myself of all reminders; in haste, I deleted Moms Fighting Fat permanently. It's a mistake I regret to this day--especially since some company came along and grabbed the same title for their website.

How are things now? Great! I'm happy to report that it's been a long, hard road with many changes but my husband and I have worked everything out. Our marriage, our children, our family has survived one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in a marriage. One of the most important things I've learned from the entire experience is this: with hard work and dedication almost anything can be fixed. I've forgiven my husband, I've overcome depression, and now all that's left to do is work on physical me.

I look forward to going through this journey with all of you again. For now, I hope you'll enjoy going through some of my posts from two years ago. I'm sure many of you can relate to falling off the healthy lifestyle wagon and an equal amount find it awfully hard to get back on it again--we can do it though, right?!