Who Is That Girl I See

Or should I say, “Cow”? That description pretty much sums up my experience when I had to purchase a new pair of jeans two weeks ago–the ones that are now loose in the legs.

We don’t have any full body mirrors at home; when I do use them, it’s to glance quickly at my hair and fix it if need be. In other words, it’s been forever since I saw myself naked. My husband is normally with me when I shop for clothes so I don’t look in the dressing room mirror, I slip on the clothes and run out and ask his opinion. Anyway, this time I was alone…

When I saw my naked self in the mirror, tears filled my eyes and I was devastated. It was though I was looking an obese woman who I’d never seen before. This can’t be me, can it? “Yeah honey, it is you, there is no denying it,” said the voice in my head. I bought my jeans and promptly left the store.

On the drive home, I felt my blood pressure rise and when I stepped through the door I took it out on the family. “Hi honey. Hi mom. Did you have fun shopping?” were the words I was met with. I replied with a snarky, “Noooo”, then I headed to the kitchen…

My first desire was to go and grab some chips out of the cupboard and comfort myself. Filled with self-pity, I opened the cupboard door and was just about to reach in when reality set in–this is exactly how the obese woman in the mirror got that way. I closed the cupboard door, opened the broom closet and angrily began sweeping. Still feeling sorry for myself, I started emptying the dishwasher and clanking the dishes around so everyone would know it, lol.

After my small temper tantrum, I went to my room and wept. It was then that Donnie came in and spoke with me. He was very positive and supportive. He told me that there was nothing I could do about the past but I could change the future by working out and watching what I eat.

He was right. Tears and sorrow are not going to help me lose weight and get healthy. I needed to step up my workouts from three days a week to five or six and eat better…it’s the only way.

It’s been two weeks now since my dreadful shopping experience and I actually look forward to exercising daily. The pain I once had after working out is gone, but the Biggest Loser beginner segments of the tapes are still hard to get through. However, I’ve come a long way! I’m able to get in a few good jumping lunges and do a couple of regular, versus girlie, push-ups.

Lastly, I’m too embarrassed to post a picture of myself. But, so you know I’m not a size 10-12 fussing about being obese–I wear a size 20 in women’s Levis. I’m longing for the day I can wear a size 10-12 for the first time in many years.

Still Going

I haven’t been blogging but I have been continuing to workout and try to eat healthier. My official weigh-in is this Thursday but I hopped on the scale today because my jeans are a bit loose in the legs–2 pounds gone! 

Two pounds isn’t a whole lot but I honestly don’t believe it’s due to water weight. The reason being is that I’ve been eating less but not starving myself…and I’ve been working out.

It feels really good to wake up, have some coffee, workout, and be showered and dressed before the kiddos rise from their slumber. Having all of that accomplished by 7:30 am has helped give me energy, something that I normally do not have.

Most days, I rise and look forward to working out but I still LOATHE holding in push-up position and want to smack Bob (Biggest Loser trainer) up one side and down the other. LOL Seriously, I find myself cussing at him while my arms are about to crumble while holding up my entire body!

I’m looking forward to my weigh-in Thursday but won’t be disappointed if I’ve still lost just two pounds for the entire month–well, maybe a little. 

Thanks to all of you and your support! Your words of encouragement help keep me going. 

Love and Hugs ~ Sandy

Trials and Tribulations: Getting Through Them

Here it is, one week later and not one pound was lost.  Due to financial pettiness that came upon us, I was not able to go ‘raw, raw’ or completely vegetarian.

I ate as many fruits and vegetables as possible over the past week and only ate when I was hungry. Over the past two days though, I’ve had a couple of meat dishes — a helping of Hamburger Helper, and one sloppy joe with 8 onion rings. No popcorn or chips at night or through the day.

I’m going to continue carrying on! I think my body is resisting right now because it isn’t used to being worked out regularly and eating better. My butt, thighs and hamstrings feel nice and tight — I love the feeling!

After the first couple of workouts, my feet hurt extremely bad. However, I think it had more to do with it being easy, in our Florida weather, to throw on a pair of flip-flops — horrible for someone with arthritis in their feet. To combat the pain, for the past two days I’ve worn tennis shoes all day long and my feet feel a lot better!

Insomnia still plagues me. Last night I broke down and bought an OTC sleep med and slept seven straight hours, ahhhh, but I went to bed at 7:00pm because the night before I didn’t sleep a wink.

Today is a new day, right? The weight will come off, eventually, it has no choice. I think one thing that I’ve allowed to discourage me when trying to lose weight and eat healthy in the past was not losing weight ‘fast enough’; not this time though! My new attitude has to be one filled with not only positivity but logic — I did not get this way overnight, and I won’t lose it overnight.